Delaying sex makes for a more satisfying and stable relationship later on, new research finds.
Couples who had sex the earliest — such as after the first date or within the first month of dating — had the worst relationship outcomes.
Emotional Stages Of A New Relationship
Stage 1 – Perfection
The relationship is perfect. He is perfect to you and you are perfect to him. You make time for each other, you can communicate easily. There is nothing that he can do at this stage that will upset you. He is the “one ” and have found the perfect man. You have set the foundation for The Perfect Relationship. Well Guess What? It doesn’t last. I’m not saying the relationship is over, but the fairy tale part doesn’t last forever like we like to think it does. This is a good thing, because now you can start to build a real foundation for a real relationship. If you always are thinking like you’re living a fairy tale life, you set very unrealistic goals that no one could ever meet up to.
Stage 2 – The Change
You are both starting to feel comfy with each other. Comfortable however means something completely different to them than what it does to us. We still get up while they are asleep and do our hair and make up and go back to bed, so they think we really wake up that way (come on now ladies, you know I’m right lol ). Or we wait for that good morning beautiful text that he sends you every morning. But, he is now in the comfortable stage and got too busy this morning and decided to skip the text and plans on sending one later because, they assume that we know by now that is how they feel. By this time we are already thinking “That’s it, he ended it without even saying why.” “What did I do wrong?”.
We tend to take everything that has happened in our past relationships and throw them all into this one or two incidents. We are so much more sensitive than men are and every little thing that happens is world ending to us. He feels so secure in the relationship that missing that one text was just no big deal.
Sometimes I think they get a little too comfortable and forget that we don’t think like men do. For example; they will sit in front of us and scratch their butt, fart, take off their shoes and laugh because they forgot to change their socks after work and their feet stink. While they think this is there way of saying ” I love you enough to be myself around you”. We are staring at them thinking first “he is disgusting!” and secondly “He doesn’t care enough anymore to even try to be polite”. We start to think they are uncaring and unloving. This is where a lot of relationships end. Fear is real, fear is natural. You need to embrace it and build on it together.
Stage 3 – Communication
Communication is the glue that keeps everything together. Talk about how you feel, tell him that you feel the relationship is changing and how anxious it makes you feel. Let him know that you don’t want to pressure him, but your fear is real. Fear of being abandoned, fear of being unloved, or the big one for me is fear of being disrespected.
Don’t demand him to change, just express how you feel and work from there. Don’t ever let him make you feel that your feelings don’t matter. Don’t let him just laugh it off and say “You’re Crazy”. That’s abuse and a whole other article.
Be open and honest with him and with yourself. Give him the space to make his own decisions based on the information you have given him. Then let him communicate his feelings to you. Be real, Be honest and if you are meant to be together, you can start taking the walls down brick by brick. Just ALWAYS be true to yourself and the rest will work it’s way out.
The Do’s & Don’ts
- DO be confident – It is OK for you to make the first move
- DO make it easy for men to ask you out, guys hate rejection. If they think there is any chance of being rejected, chances are they will just keep on walking.
- DO tell a friend when you want to be more than friends. Be honest. If he doesn’t feel the same way as you, hopefully he will tell you. If you are close enough things will work themselves out and your friendship can stay in tact. Don’t try and make him love you in a romantic way if he doesn’t feel the same. It will be a lose / lose situation, and in the end you might lose him forever (I have been there and fortunately we mean more to each other as friends and we are able to keep our friendship, he is my best friend, I wouldn’t lose him for the world! I was able to push those “love” feelings aside and realized we are way better friends than would have been as lovers)
- DO allow yourself to be treated like a lady. If a guy really likes you, he will want to pick you up and take you out. He won’t ask you to meet him there or to come pick him up to save on gas. He needs to treat you with respect right from the very first date.
- DON’T plan a complicated date for your first date. Make it simple. If it is dinner and a movie, make it casual and not too fancy. According to men, dinner and a movie makes a great first date.
- DON’T take your bad day with you on your date. When talking about your day, you can bring up the bad day at work or the fight you had with your mom, then brush it off and show hi how adaptable you are and turn your frown upside down. Men find it extremely sexy,
- DON’T you are someone that you’re not. Being honest is important. If you pretend to be someone you aren’t, you are just wasting your time as well as his. You aren’t compatible, so why even try? You will end up miserable.
- DON’T look for perfection. Sit down and figure out what you will be happy with and what you won’t accept. My friend has a list he made over 10 yrs ago and won’t stray from it (that doesn’t always work out too well). I will just say he is still looking for that perfect girl. I’m not telling you to settle, but be realistic and honest with yourself.
When To Have Sex
There isn’t one specific answer for when to have sex. Don’t believe the saying “sex after the 3rd date” crap. Unless your goal is just a night of sex and there is no chance you want a relationship. When to have sex isn’t a date or a time, it’s a feeling. Delaying sex makes for a more satisfying and stable relationship later on, new research finds.
You need to develop a deep level of caring for each other before having sex. If sex is FIREWORKS great in the beginning then it is compelling enough to stick around and hopefully develop feelings.
Couples who had sex the earliest — such as after the first date or within the first month of dating — had the worst relationship outcomes. Now if you have been together long enough to share deep feelings for each other, to care for or even l❤ve each other. The sex is just “ok” in the beginning, chances are good that your relationship will be able to progress towards “GREAT” sex.
Sex is so much better when there is an expression of love attached. Either way, by waiting to have sex, you will know if he is the right one for you,
Tips For Guys
What do women want? We want to feel safe, we want to feel sexy and noticed by our partner.
- Get to REALLY know her
- We automatically put a wall up as we are always thinking “most men don’t want to get to know us, they want to skip over all the steps and go right to sex”. Well I can tell you not all women want to sleep with you on the first date. It also tells us right away that you’re not looking for a serious relationship.
- She wants to get to know you.
- She wants to feel a connection with you.
- She wants to know you are truly interested in her
- She wants to be treated with respect
- Women want a partner who will listen without judgement, she wants to feel comfortable expressing vulnerability. Showing empathy will win her heart
- Keep up the romance. Don’t fall into the friend zone. Prove you are the one for her and let her know she can rely on you for emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. Hold the door open for her, leave her little “Good Morning” notes that she will find when she waked up.
- Tell her she is beautiful
- You can even do something as simple as putting your arms around her and holding her even if for only a few seconds
- Don’t take her for granted and never just assume she knows you care – SHOW HER
- NEVER EVER kiss the dog before you kiss her when you come in the house! 🐶
Tips For Girls
- Be present. Pay attention to the present moment. Chatting in the car, lounging on the couch, noticing a habit they have. This lets him know you care
- Discover the small joys. Sometimes caring about someone can be as simple as watching a TV show you don’t like, or bringing them a tea in the morning. Even just sending a text saying “Thinking of You:
❤It really is the little things that matter the most ❤